Dear St. Therese Parish,
Dear St. Therese Parish,
so, a few weeks ago i was at a party where i didn't know that many people. for some reason everyone i knew kept coming and going in shifts, but i stayed because it was my friend's birthday and for some reason, even though i had only three drinks, i did not feel sober enough to drive (contact high? oh, marijuana, i DENOUNCE you!).
anyway, toward the end of the night i struck up what started as a very interesting conversation about queerness with a gay guy i had just met that night. i had stopped drinking because i planned on driving home at some point, but he was drinking straight whiskey, and as time wore on, our conversation became a little bizarre. basically, he was totally obsessed with the tv show "30 Rock", to the point where he was quoting it and asking me repeatedly if i watched it. i had seen it a few times, but don't get around to watching much primetime tv because of my schedule. i do think tina fey is hilarious. man, she sure is livin' the dream. i'd like to think i could have been like her if i had a little more self-confidence. and hotness. anyway, i digress. seriously, this guy would not shut up about how much he loved tina fey and how it was an absolute must that any guy he dated would be a big tina fey fan as well. not surprisingly, he had never had asteady boyfriend, but who am i to judge?
the next weekend, joe and i were trying to agree on a movie to rent at video hut. we have a real problem with this because for the most part he likes horror films and obscure comedies, while i like gay movies and french films. i know, i know. so, i saw season 1 disc 2 of "30 Rock" in the tv section and said "hey, why don't we rent this?" and he agreed. i don't think i have ever laughed that hard at a tv show in my whole life. alec baldwin may be nutmuffins, but he is a fucking comic timing genius! and tracy morgan... and kenneth the page! i finally feel like i have been let-in on a billion inside jokes i've seen all over the internet. "live every week like it's shark week." LOL! this may be the greatest comedy show on network tv today. i just finished the rest of season 2, which i drove to two different blockbuster videos to get, and i have to say, i can hardly wait until october 30th, when the new season starts! i can't believe i have to watch it in real time. i'm gonna die from one week to the next! and i'm never home on thursday nights. i need tivo now.
i guess the point of all that is, thanks socially awkward drunken gay guy, for opening my eyes to the wonders of "30 Rock." i'm sorry i doubted you, and i'm sorry i was too intoxicated to give you a ride home.
speaking of social awkwardness, i am having a hard time with that myself right now. in general, i always considered myself a pretty social person. i mean, i have a lot of friends and acquaintances. i make a lot of jokes, and people seem to laugh at them. i introduce myself to others and i am, for the most part, pretty good at introducing people to each other. i always try to make people feel comfortable in groups if they don't know a lot of people... i don't know, i guess i thought i was pretty good with people and a decent to good conversationalist. recently, as i have embarked upon this journey of self-discovery and healing, i realized that truthfully i am not really that great at being present in conversations. i listen and react, but there is always a part of me that isn't fully there in social situations. instead of growing socially as an adult, i think i have been more of a show pony, rode hard and put away wet, and now here i am, wanting desperately to have true intellectual connections with people, but not knowing where to start. most people i come into contact with more than once know my life story, or at least the funny parts, but there are only a handful of people who i would say truly know me. it makes me sad to think this, because there are people i can honestly say i wish i could get to know better and want to let get to know me, but i need to re-learn how to get there with someone.
and then there are times when i really don't feel worth knowing in the first place. i've been trying to think positively and do positive things for myself, but it creeps in on almost a daily basis. it's hard to go from feeling like an unstoppable party girl to a totally awkward freak who can't talk to anyone without cringing, but i realize that it's part of the learning process. plus, i know awkward isn't always bad. after all, tina fey has turned slightly awkward into the american dream, at least for the funny but imperfect.
those of you who know me or read my blog regularly know that i was very close with my grandfather growing up and that my grandfather now suffers from alzheimer's disease. he has lived in a nursing home for about three or four years, i think.
i'm not proud of myself for not writing for so long. i beat myself up over it pretty much daily, but i just can't figure out what to say.
if you guys think just because the weather is getting all fall-like and crisp that i have quit doing water aerobics, you are so wrong! okay, actually this is l.a. so it is only slightly fall-like and crisp but only at night , but i plan on doing water aerobics all year-long if my work schedule will permit. it's no longer my only reason for living, but it is definitely still a bright spot in my ever-darkening life. it gets pretty cold when we get out of the pool at around 7:30, and i know that will only get worse as the weather gets colder, but it's worth it. i love being in the water, especially at night.
last night (tuesday) at wildness, jd samson was djing. it was great and everyone was on the dancefloor. as i mentioned in a previous post, i have seen jd and sia out together in l.a. before and they are SO CUTE together, but that's not the point. now, i am a los angeles native, born and raised, so i try not to get too star-struck when i see celebrities. i mean, for godssake, when i worked at the salon, i washed tom hanks' hair!!! but, when i see/meet an artist whose work i really really admire, i just lose it. sia is so fucking talented. her most recent album some people have real problems is brilliant. her voice is gorgeous and her lyrics are so so beautiful. i just love it.
well, before i even got there, i accidentally drank a sparks, which if you don't know is a fine malt beverage MIXED WITH ENERGY DRINK. if you know me in real life, you know i am not allowed to drink energy drinks or i become completely insane. one time i had two sugar free red bulls and then watched an in-line skating contest where the girls were jumping on rails and falling on their faces left and right and i was just screaming uncontrollably. my heart almost leapt right out of my chest and when i was coming down from my high all i wanted to do was suck my thumb and cry.
now imagine that combined with full sugar and a touch of booze. not pretty. i had to have a glass of champagne and a beer just to bring me to almost normal.
then i get in line for the bathroom RIGHT BEHIND SIA!
i had to say something because the way i see it, even if i was a celebrity trying to lay low and hang out with my girlfriend in a tranny dive bar in macarthur park, i would love it if some energy drink-crazed, curly-headed mess came up to me and started screaming in my face about how i am her absolute favorite and she just loves me blah blah blah.
actually, i am not joking, i really would like it, but it didn't happen exactly that way. when i walked into the alley that the restroom is in (uh huh) she was the only other person in line and i was like "this is awkward, but, uh, i'm a BIG fan!" and she thought that was really funny. she was so so so nice and asked my name and introduced herself (lol) and was the cutest thing ever and really fast in the bathroom, which was a big plus cause i had to pee pretty bad from the sparks and the things i tried to chase it with.
i wanted to ask her to sign my little notebook, but i decided that was just going a bit too far. now i wish i did though because wtf, who cares. i don't think she would have thought any less of me. oh well. it was really cool and i feel like a dork, but i don't care. also let me add that she's a great dancer! i feel like you can really tell a lot about a person by how well they dance to 90s club hits.
you can learn even more about sia and hear her music and see videos on her website. her latest single "soon we'll be found" is one of the only things in the world that is bringing me any hope and happiness right now. here is the beautiful video and the lyrics.
Come along it is the break of day Surely now, you’ll have some things to say It’s not the time for telling tales on me
So come along, it wont be long ‘Til we return happy Shut your eyes, there are no lies In this world we call sleep Let’s desert this day of hurt Tomorrow we’ll be free
Let’s not fight I’m tired can’t we just sleep tonight don’t Turn away it’s just there’s nothing left here to say Turn around I know we’re lost but soon we’ll be found
Well it’s been rough but we’ll be just fine Work it out yeah we’ll survive You musn’t let a few bad times dictate
So come along, it wont be long ‘Til we return happy Shut your eyes, there are no lies In this world we call sleep Let’s desert this day of work Tomorrow we’ll be free
Let’s not fight I’m tired can’t we just sleep tonight don’t turn away it’s just there’s nothing left here to say Turn around I know we’re lost but soon we’ll be found
if you ask me, building a relationship can be like working with clay. i know it's a bit cliché, but it's just true.
i have so much to say, but now i have waited to long to say it and i am SO TIRED and overwhelmed!
this is depressing. skip to around 1:46 to see JoJo of the r&b group Jodeci collapse in an apparently alcohol/drug addled stupor while performing a show in australia. a) performing? b) australia?
according to his brother/bandmate K-Ci, JoJo was just exhausted and has epilepsy, but that's hard to believe. read about it on Dlisted, which explains it better than i ever could.
this is sad because Jodeci was one of my favs in junior high. not only did i love "all my life", which they are playing when the train wreck begins on this video, but their song "lately" is a really beautiful song, and was one of my all time songs to get emo over.
then, at the eighth grade dance, it played, and i asked michael dondanville to dance with me to it. he said no and was a total jerk about it, until i grabbed his arm and made him. that was my first slow dance. sad.
years later, he would become a dear friend and a HUGE FLAMING FAG, which makes me feel a little better. but just a little.
i don't really know how i am going to handle the fact that the olympic games are over. with everything that is going wrong in my life right now, i am entirely unfit to handle such a crushing loss. more on that later.
Recent Comments